Life is Unfair!!

“The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating...

...and you finish off as an orgasm.”

Poetry by Remco Campert

I never cared much for beautiful poetry
unless you didn’t notice it was beautiful
quick as the light
skimming along a rail track
or snow flake melting on a paving stone
apart from that I’ve never cared much for beautiful poetry
unless it was very beautiful
like the time you stood at the tram stop
and I glimpsed you in passing

The 19th Commandment

1 Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is knowing not to put it in the fruit salad!

2 No one is listening until you fart.

3 Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

4 Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

5 If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments

6 Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

7 If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

8 Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

9 If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

10 If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

11 Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree. Don’t worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

12 Good judgment comes from bad experience … And most of that comes from bad judgment.

13 A closed mouth gathers no foot.

14 There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.

15 Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.

16 Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it..

17 We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our butt – then things just keep getting worse.

18 Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

19 Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. do not walk beside me for the path is narrow.. In fact, just p*ss off and leave me alone.

Karma

Instant Karma’s gonna get you,
Gonna knock you right on the head,
You better get yourself together,
Pretty soon you’re gonna be dead,
What in the world you thinking of,
Laughing in the face of love,
What on earth you tryin’ to do,
It’s up to you, yeah you.

He might be right after all...

“To put it in gentleman’s terms if you’ve been out for a night and you’re looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they’re good looking and some weeks they’re not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She wasn’t the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let’s have a coffee.”

-Ian Holloway, after an ugly win against Chesterfield.-

Burglar

"If you’re a burglar, it’s no good poncing about outside somebody’s house, looking good with your swag bag ready. Just get in there, burgle them and come out". - Ian Holloway

Tragic

“How tragic that lies gain acceptance when repeated oft,
While truth, if repeated, seems to have its veracity lost.”

Robert Frost: The Road Not Taken (1915)

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost

Reminds me of AW.. what about you?

The Convictions

“It’s not always easy to do the right thing. But, doing the right thing makes you strong, it builds character, it forces you to make decisions based upon your beliefs and not what other people think. In life, and in business, you have to stand for what you believe in and sometimes you have to stand alone. But, what makes you a leader is having the courage of your convictions.”

The Escapist

"Orang yang bahagia itu akan selalu menyediakan waktu untuk membaca kerana membaca itu sumber hikmah menyediakan waktu tertawa kerana tertawa itu muziknya jiwa, menyediakan waktu untuk berfikir kerana berfikir itu pokok kemajuan, menyediakan waktu untuk beramal kerana beramal itu pangkal kejayaan, menyediakan waktu untuk bersenda kerana bersenda itu akan membuat muda selalu dan menyediakan waktu beribadat kerana beribadat itu adalah ibu dari segala ketenangan jiwa."

Aduhai Melayu

Geram!
Benci!
Sangkak!
Sakai!
Gampang!
Bangang!

1. Bkannye kecik lagi, dah besar dah. Kata orang tua2, rumah kata pergi kubur kata mari. Kalau betul pun ade dalam simpanan gambar pemimpin buat video seks, tak boleh ke suruh polis siasat senyap2? Ini berterabur satu Malaysia bagitau orang lain.

Masa kecik2 dulu mak bapak tak hantar pegi sekolah agama ke? Tak tau ke mengaibkan orang itu satu dosa besar? Tak tau ke Allah s.w.t akan tunjukkan aib kita kat Padang Mahsyar nanti kalau kita buka aib orang? Itu kalau betul tertuduh tu buat kerja kutuk tersebut. Kalau tak? Kan dah bertambah dosa memfitnah tu. Tak cium bau syurga tau.

Dan ini bukannnye pasal dosa pahala sahaja, ianya membabitkan maruah orang dan maruah bangsa sekali. Kan sesama melayu? Eh, sama bangsa la tu. Tak boleh buat senyap2? Bangsa2 lain gelak bodoh je tengok kebodohan bangsa kita.

2. Artis kita makin lama makin tak reti nak pakai baju. Kalau majalah suruh pakai baju sendat2, kita ada hak untuk menolak.

Eh, badan kita kan? Kalau tukang buat baju tuh buat baju sendat2, sampai nampak pangkal payudara, sampai nampak pangkal peha, sampai nampak belakang badan, kan kita ada hak untuk menolak? eh, badan kita kan?

Kena la ingat, badan kita ni bukannya hak kita. Bukan kita yang cipta badan kita. Bukan kita yang bagi rezeki supaya badan kita sihat. Kalau tak nak pakai baju, jangan keluar rumah.

3. Zina. Yang no aku malas nak cakap.
Teruk, dah sangat teruk dah.
Saaaaangat teruk.
Tersaaaaangat teruk.
Kat malaysia.
Negara Islam.
Korang pandai2 la cari data2 pasal anak luar nikah.
Aku malas nak letak.
Tak kiralah budak Uia ke, UniKL ke, Uitm ke, bdak Poli ke, semua ada.
Tak kiralah artis , menteri, cikgu, posmen, opis boy dan yang sama waktu dengannya.
Kerajaan buat bodoh.
Peruntukan pendidikan makin kurang, peruntukan pilihanraya bertambah2.
Org suruh baiki sistem pendidikan agama, diorang perkenal pendidikan seks.
Bodoh.

The Fantastix Four

There are four things that can never be recovered: A stone, after it’s thrown, a word, after it’s spoken, an occasion after it’s missed, and TIME, after its gone.

Dance

“Dance like nobody’s watching; love like you’ve never been hurt. Sing like nobody’s listening; live like it’s heaven on earth.”

HaHaHa

A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16 year olds. She notices a boy in the field standing alone at one end of the field, while all the other kids are running around at the other end having fun. She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
“You ok sweetheart?” she says.
“Yes Miss” he replies.

“‘You can go and play with the other kids if you want” she says.

“It’s best I stay here Miss.” he says.

“Why?” asks the blonde.

The boy replies: “Because I’m the f***ing goal keeper”

My First Crush

Semua orang pernah jatuh cinta kan? Walaupun selalunya perasaan cinta tu lebih kepada perasaan 'suka sangat2' berbanding betul2 jatuh cinta. Dia lah yang buat kita mengigau di kala malam hening, membuat kita tidak keruan saat melihatnya berbual mesra dengan lelaki lain, n well, selalunya lelaki lain tu sememstinya lagi hot n smart dari kita, kalau lelaki tu sememeh je, xde hal punye!

My first crush ialah aku nye classmate mase darjah dua ke darjah tiga aku pun tak ingat. Comel, smart, rajin sapu sampah, rajin padam papan hitam, sopan, dan errr, comel. Aku tak rasa aku tak pernah dapat peluang berbual dengan beliau secara berdua-dua-an, sebab, aku ada darah gemuruh. Serius! x caya tanya Dr Ismail Thamby. Aku rase adela beberapa kali kitorang bertukar-tukar jelingan. Best!

Nak cari 'The One' memang susah. Especially kalau korang artis. Kubur dah kata mari pun sempat nak bercerai lagi! Bangang. Aku rase tak ramai yang letak 'bercerai' dalam beliau punye 'dream list'. Sebab tu aku rase teruja tengok orng tukar awek/pakwe macam Fasha Sanda tukar2 beliau punye bakal suami. Jelik.

"Saya rasa kita tak sehaluan la." Masa mula-mula kenal tak pula rasa tak sehaluan. Hampagas.

If it takes to the deathbed to find her, i'm pretty sure the patience will be WORTH IT!